Kat's piece recycled a watercolor that she wasn't happy with and some other things that relate to her medical condition. I am always so inspired by her attitude and by the art that she's creating. If you haven't visited her blog, do it! She's an amazing woman and has been a great friend in my bloggy endeavor.
For my piece I knew right away what I wanted to do. I tore one page out of a tea catalog and one page out of a seed catalog and I went to work cutting out words. I cut them until I had a good pile and then I set to work arranging them to find some sort of meaning. It's been very hot here and it's very windy. Because we have no air conditioning we've had the windows open wide. Can you see where this is going? My words blew off the page. I found a more sheltered spot and tried again. After I'd arranged it into some sort of poem, I took a page of watercolor paper and painted a light background, just faint clouds of color. Today I glued my poem onto the background, finding that a few words had blown away. A couple, I never did find, so I reworked the poem a bit and quickly glued it down.
|*a bit hard to read like this; see below for full text|
I really had fun with this. It reminded me of playing with magnetic poetry. I'm not very confident when it comes to poetry. Although I took part in the Small Stones challenge back in January, I didn't share any of the poems I wrote on my blog. I don't think I've ever shared the fact that my undergraduate degree is in creative writing (focusing on short stories) and that I got half-way through a masters in creative writing with a free ride scholarship, getting all As and winning awards and then dropped out. That maybe sounds bad, but I did it for the right reasons at the time. I wasn't interested in the degree. All I wanted to do was get back to my writing. And all that going to school (while working two jobs) was doing was stressing me out. I was barely writing. Since then I have gone through periods where I haven't written much at all and times when I have done a fair amount of writing. I know I mentioned that a friend of mine published a couple of my stories in his book, but those are the only published works I have. There is one simple reason for that. I have not done anything to try to get my stories published. I don't have piles of rejection letters. I don't even have one rejection letter.
That same friend of mine who published my stories wrote the following in an email to me the other day: "I am seriously starting to work on a couple of writing projects with the aim of getting something published. I need to try it. Otherwise all this time of unemployment will have nothing to show for itself. Plus, if I am not doing it today when will I?" That got me thinking. I'm not working right now, either. There's work on the farm, but it's not like working a full-time job. I've been focusing on crafting and doing art, stocking my Etsy shop and learning to paint. I do not feel like I've been wasting my time. I've written a couple short stories and now, thanks to Kat, I've been stretching my writing muscles with her weekly challenges. I spent the month of January writing poetry and I wrote a bit since then, too. I'm not always good at writing in my journal, but I do have this blog. Even so, like my friend, I'm asking myself, if I'm not writing now, if I'm not seriously writing now, when will I? Earlier this week I sat down with one of my boxes of writing. I have two bankers boxes filled with folders of writing. Some finished. Some unfinished. Reading through some of that was like truly seeing myself again. And it made me happy.
I guess I'm writing all of this because I feel like I shouldn't be keeping that part of myself in the shadows anymore. I need to be writing. I need to be trying to get some of my stories published. I am not good at holding myself accountable. I am very good at avoiding things that I don't want to do or that I am scared to do. Which is funny because I am also good at leaping into situations unprepared and foolishly fearless. It's been scary to share my art on my blog, but everyone has been so kind and supportive that it's also been easy to share my art on my blog. My writing is so entwined with who I am, who I really am, that I haven't been as willing to share it. So here I am, posting a poem, posting some secrets about myself and pledging, publicly to make an effort to get some stories published. That aim has been a goal (an ignored goal) each year in my new year's resolutions. Time for that to change.
after full dark
almost without oxygen
trying in Flowery Broken French
to charm a Kiss
when only slightly heart-shaped
it Does not light pretty flames
warm delicate flowers
you tell me
give in to new fragrant danger
floating higher than air