Friday, October 31, 2014

one year ago today

One year ago today Matthias and I spent Halloween filling up a U-Haul. A completely exhausting day. The weather was terrible. Rainy. Cold. We were more than a bit stressed.


At the end of the day my ankle was swollen from coming down wrong off the tailgate of the moving truck. We ate Chipotle for dinner sitting on folding chairs in our empty living room. We had 14 hour drive ahead of us the next day (though at that time we didn't know it would take quite as long as that). I know my mind was filled with a mess emotions and questions and uncertainties. We were moving towards our dreams, but we were heading into the unknown. Once again, we were acting without much of a plan, trusting that things would fall into place.

And things have been falling into place, bit by bit. This past year has been wonderful, even with the uncertainties and stresses of living in transition. Being so physically close to my family is such a novelty. We can do things that we've never done before. Tonight my parents and brother are coming over for pizza, to watch Star Wars and hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. To some people that might seem like no big deal, a normal Halloween. For me, who spent many years three hundred some miles away from my family, it's a bit amazing.

We still have a ways to go in terms of figuring it all out. Our dreams, our goals, are closer, but we're not quite there yet. Even so, I am glad we didn't wait to make this move. Leaving the city has been so good for us. I am so very grateful to my parents for helping to make all of this possible. I'm grateful to Matthias for believing, with me, in a beautiful dream. I'm grateful to the universe for the signposts along the way, the reassurances that yes, this is the right path.

I recently had a conversation with my brother about pursuing dreams and we talked about how changing your life, especially when that change involves developing a new skill or skills, does not happen overnight. It takes time. Sometimes a long time. That's why so many people give up (or don't try in the first place). The middle can be an uncomfortable place. But what other option is there? I would love to be living on my own piece of land with our farmhouse at the end of a long driveway, with goats and chickens and a studio surrounded by gardens RIGHT NOW. But I cannot allow not living that dream to take away from the life that I AM living right now. In this beautiful, cozy house with my upstairs studio and a sweet fenced backyard that I've been filling with gardens. Being able to walk to the library and the post office and the food co-op and the hardware store and pretty much everywhere else in town. In truth, right now is all we ever have.

And so Happy Halloween to you. And Happy Life, Present Life. Whatever yours might look like, there is beauty in it. I hope you are making the most of it. Savoring it. Remembering to be grateful for each day.


7 comments:

  1. Anne...what nice words you wrote here!! I really liked this post a lot!!
    Happy anniversary of your move!! Never give up, and always follow your dreams!! I know it can be quite tiring and exhausting (...I know it really well!!), but when things start going in that direction that you were aiming for, it just feels so good!!!

    Happy Halloween and 1 of November!!

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  2. This is such a beautiful, heartfelt post. It reminds me of the spring 13 years ago when we were thinking of moving to the States, leaving behind everything we knew including our families and friends. It was just my husband, my daughter and I. At that time we thought it would just be for 3 years, 5 years max - we're still here. There wasn't a single day that we regretted this move, even though there were (and still are) times when it is really hard.
    I wish you that you get closer and closer to fulfilling your dreams - it sounds that you are moving in the right direction. Your post makes me happy for you.

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  3. I remember your moving day as though it were yesterday! I am glad that the year has been good for you and hope that you realize all of your dreams. :-)

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  4. Ahh I so needed these words right now. Thank you!

    I can't believe it's been a year since you took this leap. Seems like just a couple months ago. So inspiring!

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  5. Such a beautiful message, Anne - I have taken it to heart. I'm so glad that you're able to savor each day as you move in the direction of your ultimate dream. You are quite an amazing person - do you know that? :)

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  6. Savoring, being grateful, beauty...yes, yes, yes!
    Dreams really can come true.
    :-)

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  7. Thank you so much to each of you for your kindness and encouragement!

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